Inuyasha The lost episode
by Darket
Summary: This is what would happen to Inuyasha in the future that he would always get away with in the past. Very humorous. Read and Review


Inuyasha  
  
"The Lost Episode"  
  
Dear Reader,  
  
This is not a real episode. And do know, Shippo points out the obvious... A lot. Second, this is what would happen to Inuyasha in Modern times that he could get away with in the past. Also a funny point I would like to say... I'll say it at the end. Oh, if anything seems illogical- it's supposed to be. It's a parody!  
  
Feudal Japan...  
  
Inuyasha was walking down the road chasing a wheel with a stick and licking a lollypop. Naraku pulled in with a wagon and looked out the window.  
  
Naraku- "Inuyasha, get in the wagon. I have candy!"  
  
You didn't think I'd start it like that, did you?  
The Real Story...  
  
Inuyasha was fighting Sesshomaru and like always, he was losing. They all watched the brutal battle and Shippo saw Inuyasha use the Tetsuiga. He tried to strike Sesshomaru and he blocked with the sword Kijimbo made for him. It reversed the transformation and everybody saw it. They were shocked to see it.  
  
Shippo- "WHOA! It changed back, did you guys see that?"  
  
Miroku- "This is going nowhere. I have a plan! We'll let them fight for a bit... (Interrupted)"  
  
Kagome- "Inuyasha lost!"  
  
She ran to help him and Sesshomaru walked up to finish him off.  
  
Kagome- "NO, don't come any nearer!"  
  
Sesshomaru- "What? Uh, you need to work on your vocabulary. It's pronounced much better in Standard English as don't come any closer. You got the line wrong."  
  
Kagome- "What do you mean? We don't even speak English. We were speaking Japanese because were from Japan. ïï¨ï¡ï´ï ï´ï¨ï¥ï ï¦âï£ï«ï ï©ï³ï ï§ï¯ï©ï®ï§ï ï¯ï®ï¿ï¢  
  
Sangoï­ï ï¢ïï ï®ï¥ï¶ï¥ï²ï ï¤ï©ï¤ï ï§ï¥ï´ï®ï®ï®ï ïï¨ï¯ï ï·ï¡ï®ï´ï³ï ï´ï¯ï ï°âï´ï ï´ï¨ï¥ï ï·ï¥ï¡ï°ï¯ï®ï³ï ï¤ï¯ï·ï®ï ï¡ï®ï¤ï ï¨ï¡ï¶ï¥ï ï¡ï®ï ïï²ï§ï¹ ï¿ï¢ Miroku- ï¢ïïïïïïïïïï¢  
  
Kagome- "Let's speak English. This is too confusing. Yeah, lets just act like the prostitute anime characters we are and go fuck somewhere."  
  
Sesshomaru- "YES!"  
  
Shippo, on top of Kelala- "Yeah, you like that... You like that, don't ya' bitch?"  
  
They came back a few hours later and Inuyasha was still on the ground.  
  
Kagome- "Oh yeah, I forgot all about that..."  
  
Modern Japan...  
  
They put Inuyasha in Kagome's bed so he could heal. When he did, they were all gone and he was hallucinating. He thought he was in feudal Japan... He went to find the others. After an hour, he tripped and some kid laughed at him. Inuyasha grabbed him and beat the hell out of him.  
  
Kid- "OW! STOP IT!"  
  
Inuyasha hit him more and the kid screamed for some cops. The cops pointed guns at him and Inuyasha stopped hallucinating. He gave up and the cops put him up against the car. They searched him by padding against his clothes. He appeared on COPS.  
  
Theme song- "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha' gonna do? Watcha' gonna when they come for you? BAD BOYS! BAD BOYS!"  
  
Narrator- "COPS, on location in Japan."  
  
They pulled out the Tetsuiga and gasped. The cameraman backed up and they put the sword down.  
  
Cop- "First you abused a child and now we find a weapon on you. That's two violations in this beautiful country."  
  
Kagome walked towards them and stopped them.  
  
Kagome- "What are you doing?"  
  
Cop- "This man has violated 2 laws and must be subdued."  
  
Kagome- "He doesn't know! He's from the Feudal era!"  
  
Cop- "First, your crazy! Second, who are you anyway?"  
  
Inuyasha- "She's my girlfriend."  
  
Cop- "WHAT?! How old are you?"  
  
Inuyasha- "About 70."  
  
Cop- "That explains the gray hair. Those nails make you look gay. Did you two have sex before?"  
  
Kagome- "Inuyasha, just shut up!"  
  
Inuyasha- "Uh, we did a few times."  
  
The cameraman gasped and everybody went silent. Sota and the others were watching COPS at home and they were silent.  
  
Cop- "THAT'S NASTY!"  
  
Kagome was scarred for life. They kicked Inuyasha in the nuts and put him in the back seat.  
  
Inuyasha- "You always wanted me to tell the truth and I did!"  
  
Kagome- "Inuyasha! I never want to speak to you again!"  
  
Inuyasha- "You say that in every episode!"  
  
The cop talked to the cameraman and the COPS logo appeared on the screen. Inuyasha sat in the back and they started to play "Love Hurts" by the Black Crows. (It's a good song, I might add. How did it go...)  
  
Song- "Love is like a fire, burns you away when hot... Love Hurts... (Doo Doo Doo Doo Dum) Ooooooh- Oooooooh- Love Hurts!"  
  
Inuyasha- "Man, turn the radio off. That song is depressing."  
  
He was put in jail and the entire team went to see him except for Kagome. (But she can go to hell anyway!) They were all wondering what to do.  
  
Shippo- "Oh no! Inuyasha's in jail! Now this makes our search for the jewel fragments harder!"  
  
Miroku gave Shippo an angry look. Sango was wondering why Kagome was so pissed. Miroku held up his hand.  
  
Miroku- "That's it! I'll use my wind tunnel and break the bars!"  
  
Inuyasha curled up and started to scream.  
  
Inuyasha- "NOOOOO! I'll do the time, just get the fuck out of here."  
  
They left and Inuyasha sat in prison. Some huge fat guy lay down in bed with him.  
  
Fat guy- "I'm making you my Bitch!"  
  
Inuyasha thought about Kagome.  
  
Inuyasha- "She will be mine again! Oh yes! She will be mine again..."  
  
Inuyasha had a tear in his eye and he got up. He started to spontaneously break out in song. 3 inmates got instruments and somehow they were all able to play a rock song.  
  
Inuyasha- "I hit kid while walking down the street, I got probation!"  
  
Inmate- "Probation!"  
  
Inuyasha- "They found out I banged some minor chick, then they took me to the station!"  
  
Inmate- "The Station!"  
  
Bass player- "Before he leaves, were going to bang him up- Hid bung hole!  
  
Inuyasha- "MY BUNG HOLE! Please try and pay the bail for me, Kagome!"  
  
Inmate- "Kagome!"  
  
Inuyasha- "It's all your fault for having premarital relations with me... KAGOME!"  
  
Inmates- "It's all her fault!"  
  
Guard- "Man, you guys suck!"  
  
Inuyasha- "I hope she'll soon want to talk to me- KAGOME!"  
  
Inmates- "KAGOME!"  
  
They started to play a different tune and Inuyasha began to play the guitar like Jimmy Hendrix.  
  
Inuyasha- "I pledge allegiance... To the flag... Of the United States... OF KAGOME!"  
  
Inmates- "KAGOME!"  
  
Inmate across the hall- "Oh my god, somebody fucking kill me!"  
  
They stopped playing.  
  
Drummer- "Hey, shut up!"  
  
Inmate across the hall- "You wanna go at it? I'll kick your ass."  
  
Drummer- "Bring it on, you skanky bitch!"  
  
The too cells opened up and Inuyasha tried to calm them down.  
  
Inuyasha- "It's ok... There's no reason to fight. It's bad starting stuff and it's wrong to make fun of people's art... YOU MOTHER FUCKER!"  
  
He ran at the inmate and started punching him.  
  
Inmate- "RIOT!"  
  
All the cells opened up and they began to fight. Inuyasha started to kick him on the ground and the inmate began biting his leg.  
  
Inuyasha- "He's biting me! The fucker's BITING ME!"  
  
The guards tried to break it up and Inuyasha grabbed his guitar. He smacked the guard and was whacked in the face. Bruce Lee went by and started fighting. They were all beat up and Inuyasha squared off with Bruce Lee. He cut his head off in the first 5 seconds and everybody went silent. They went back to their cells.  
  
Cop- "You just keep committing crimes, huh?"  
  
Kagome watched the fight on TV at home and was amazed.  
  
Kagome- "Wow, he made a song... But he also made me embarrassed! AH! IM CONFUSED!"  
  
The trial was the next morning and everybody was there. Inuyasha was sitting down and the kid was at the stand. The rest of the Inuyasha crew was there too.  
  
Judge- "What happened?"  
  
Kid- "I was walking along and that guy fell down. I tried to help him and he hit me. He wanted me to give him money."  
  
Inuyasha- "THAT KID IS FULL OF SHIT!"  
  
Kid- "LET ME FINISH! Can I finish? ...Ok I'm finished."  
  
Judge- "Ok. We discovered this sword and found out he had sex with this 16 year old girl.  
  
Shippo- "Oooooh! You're in trouble!"  
  
Inuyasha- "(Whispering) Zip it you little fuck!"  
  
Judge- "How do you plead?"  
  
Inuyasha- "Innocent! We were in feudal times. She fell down a well and opened up a gate to the past. In the past, there were no laws. See, I was bound to tree for 50 years. This girl saw that I hadn't aged a bit. Distracted, she thought I was so hot! I was let go! We looked for these shards of an ancient jewel. We met up with these guys and then got it on a few times. She's quite pretty good in bed until she starts talking!"  
  
Kagome- "Fuck you!"  
  
Judge- "I have a question, are you high?"  
  
Inuyasha- "Your honor, I want to assure to you that I am not high!"  
  
Judge- "You are crazy! There is no gate to the past. Take him away, he will spend the next 90 years in prison for murder."  
  
They all gasped and Inuyasha was carried off.  
  
Inuyasha- "Kagome, HELP!"  
  
Shippo- "Oh no, Inuyasha is going to jail for 90 years!"  
  
Miroku- "No shit!"  
  
Inuyasha was being carried off and he thought for a second. A guard smacked Inuyasha to the ground and they laughed.  
  
Jury- "Looks like the defendant has motion to the floor! HAHAHA!"  
  
Inuyasha saw them all laugh and action movie music started to play.  
  
Inuyasha- "Do I really want to end the episode like this? Your honor, I second that motion... With vengeance!"  
  
He threw the guards and beat the crap out of innocent bystanders for no apparent reason. A cop pointed a gun at Inuyasha and he jumped into the air. The time slowed down and the camera spun around him. He kicked the guard into a wall and grabbed two pistols out of god knows where to fight. The guards fired at him and he did side flips to dodge them. He shot them and killed the rest of the guards. When he landed, his suit was black and Miroku walked in with a black trench coat. Sango followed and the guards outside stopped them.  
  
Guard- "Please remove all metallic objects in your clothes."  
  
Miroku showed him the Uzi's under his coat.  
  
Guard- "Oh SHIT!"  
  
Miroku killed him and they walked into the courtroom. They wasted through the rest of them and every body had Jet-black clothes on. Miroku did cartwheels while shooting at oncoming guards. A guard pointed his shogun at Inuyasha and was about to fire. Inuyasha jumped up and kicked the guard 5 times while in the air. Sango fired her MP5K at some guards and Inuyasha wasted away a few with the shotgun. He jumped up the walls and kicked a guard off the balcony.  
  
Lawyer- "This is highly unorthodox! Stop this!"  
  
Shippo- "Stop this Mr. Lawyer!"  
  
Shippo threw the presidents seal at the lawyer and cut his head off. Kagome did a forward flip and blew off a guard's head. Inuyasha and Miroku kicked away the guards and the judge saw this.  
  
Judge- "Help, we are under attack!"  
  
Shippo jumped behind a door and closed it. A guard fired his Uzi and blew off the upper part. He ran out of bullets and missed every shot. Shippo walked out and mauled him. Sango and Inuyasha got back to back and Inuyasha pulled a pipe out of the ground. He started to smack away innocent bystanders and Sango turned to shoot a guard. She was shot and was put down. When she hit the floor, Miroku wasted the guard. Miroku ran out of bullets and Sango threw down her guns. She was losing blood and Miroku wrapped his belt around her. Kagome was dealing with a few guards in the back. Shippo ran at the guards outside and took them down. Inuyasha jumped onto the table and Shippo tossed an M-16 up to Inuyasha. They winked at each other and Inuyasha got everybody to get down.  
  
Inuyasha- "All people in favor of my 90 year sentence say die. (Slapping face) WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP! Nyuk, Nyuk, nyuk!"  
  
He did a Curly while shooting the gun at people. Hundreds died for no apparent reason and Inuyasha got up. The emperor walked in and looked around.  
  
Emperor- "Why do you behave like heathens on my birthday?"  
  
Miroku- "Happy Birthday emperor!"  
  
He impaled the emperor with the American flag and it waved after he died. Lightning surrounded the judge and he became a man from the Agency. Inuyasha looked at him opened fire. The judge moved his upper body left and right to dodge the bullets. It appeared like he was creating multiple images of himself. Inuyasha ran out of bullets and he tossed the guns down.  
  
Inuyasha- "Kagome, HELP!"  
  
The agent fired bullets at him and time slowed down. Inuyasha bent back and dodged one. It went under his arm and the rest went over him. Two slid across his right shoulder and left leg. Time returned and Inuyasha hit the ground. The agent walked up to him and held the gun to his face.  
  
Agent- "Only a half-breed."  
  
Kagome walked up to him and held the gun to the agents face.  
  
Kagome- "Dodge this!"  
  
She blasted the agent in the head, killing him. Inuyasha got up and Kagome was amazed.  
  
Kagome- "Wow, you move like they do."  
  
Miroku- "We've ripped off a lot of stuff already. Let's go back home before Warner Brothers sues us!"  
  
Shippo- "If we keep ripping off the Matrix, we'll be thrown off the air for sure!"  
  
Miroku clenched his fist and punched Shippo. Inuyasha ran out of the courtroom and it blew up. Kids carried Inuyasha off through the front door. The cops saw them and Inuyasha was shot dead. He fell to the ground and Kagome held him up.  
  
Kagome- "Inuyasha! (Oscar Clip from the Matrix) My part of the oracle said that I would fall in love with a dead man. That dead man would be the chosen one!"  
  
She made out with him and Miroku about puked because she was swallowing blood.  
  
Miroku- "What oracle? You just need an excuse."  
  
Inuyasha got up and the Cops fired at him.  
  
Inuyasha- "NO."  
  
He held up his hand and stopped the bullets in flight. The cops wasted all their rounds and Inuyasha killed a few.  
  
Miroku- "He is the one!"  
  
They went to the well and Sesshomaru waited for them. He was wearing Jet- Black clothes too! Inuyasha grabbed a gun and went to face off.  
  
Inuyasha- "Get in the well! I can handle him!"  
  
Miroku- "Ok. Come on guys!"  
  
Kagome- "WAIT! (Oscar Clip) I'm sorry Inuyasha! (BGM moral music plays) I know I've been harsh, but it is my fault. Unfortunately I didn't know what having sex with a major was bad. It only brought misfortune and look at all the damaged it's caused."  
  
Sesshomaru- "That's not what you said when we had HOT SEX earlier."  
  
Kagome- "He's lying. Just hurry up and beat this guy so we can roll the credits."  
  
They made out real quickly just to make the Oscar Clip correct.  
  
Sesshomaru- "Do we really have to put up with this? Ok... I'm pissed."  
  
Sesshomaru fired a bullet at Kagome and she held her hand. She went to the past just before the bullet hit.  
  
Sesshomaru- "It's time to fight Mr. Anderson."  
  
Inuyasha- "What are you talking about?"  
  
They went at each other while firing bullets. They hit the ground and put their guns up to each other's heads. Then, they realized that they were out of bullets. They jumped up and started fighting. Sesshomaru put Inuyasha up next to a tree and started to punch him rapidly. Inuyasha grabbed his hands and kicked Sesshomaru off. He grabbed the Tetsuiga and used the Wind Scar. Sesshomaru jumped out of the way. They ran into the park and posed.  
  
Sesshomaru- "ïï¯âï ï¡ï²ï¥ï ï·ï¯ï²ï´ï¨ï¬ï¥ï³ï³ï ï­ï²ï®ï ïï®ï¤ï¥ï²ï³ï¯ï®â¢ï ï¹ï´ï¯âï ï£ï¡ï®ï ï®ï¥ï¶ï¥ï²ï ï¤ï¥ï¦ï¥ï¡ï´ï ï­ï¥ï®ï  (Subtitled- You are worthless Mr. Anderson! You can never defeat me!)"  
  
Inuyasha- "ïï ï¤ï¯ï ï¤ï©ï³ï¡ï§ï²ï¥ï¥ï¬ï ï¢âï´ï ïï ï·ï¯âï¬ï³ï ï­âï£ï¨ï ï°ï²ï¥ï¦ï¥ï²ï ï©ï¦ï ï´ï¨ï©ï³ï ï¦ï©ï§ï¨ï´ï ï·ï¡ï³ï ï¤âï¢ï¢ï¥ï¤ï ï©ï®ï³ï´ï¥ï¡ï¤ï ï¯ï¦ï ï³âï¢ï´ï© ï´ï¬ï¥ï¤ï®ï ï¨I do disagree, but I would rather prefer if this fight was dubbed and not subtitled.)  
  
They got people to dub it. But the mouths and voices were all wrong.  
  
Sesshomaru- "Very well. If that is your custom, than you shall die!"  
  
They walked towards the stairs that lead into the park. Sesshomaru did a handstand and walked down the stairs that way. He hit the bottom and did a flip into the air, landing perfectly! Next, he got into his fighting stance and Inuyasha tried to look slick as he walked towards the stairs. He sat on the handrail and slid down it, and then he got into his fighting stance. Sesshomaru did a few moves and he got into a new stance. Inuyasha walked back a few feet and his lips started to move, but there was no voice. Then, they started to put in his voice.  
  
Inuyasha- "Do be warned that I have learned all 7 martial arts stance. (Starts posing) The bat, the rat, the tiger, the stag, the crane, the monkey, and the Beatles!"  
  
He started to pretend drum and some BGM played. Sesshomaru made a battle cry and Inuyasha did the same. They began throwing punches at each other. Inuyasha backed up and Sesshomaru used a flying kick. It missed and Sesshomaru flew across the park. They ran at each other and locked up. Their legs and arms were unable to move. They stuck out their tongues and began smacking them back and forth. Kagome came back to make sure Inuyasha was. She saw what they were doing and laughed. Inuyasha got back and was going to knee him. Sesshomaru grabbed Inuyasha by the foot and spun him into the air.  
  
Inuyasha- "WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! (Repeating)"  
  
He spun around the planet and landed behind Sesshomaru. Kagome clapped and Inuyasha flexed.  
  
Sesshomaru- "AYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"  
  
Inuyasha- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
He screamed and his shirt ripped off. Sesshomaru gasped and Inuyasha gave him a retarded looking angry face. They looked at each other and Sesshomaru grabbed his sword.  
  
Sesshomaru- "You are good Mr. Anderson, but how are you with a sword?"  
  
Inuyasha- "Oh no!"  
  
He didn't have his sword and Kagome picked up the Tetsuiga. She had a terrible voice actor and her mouth was off.  
  
Kagome- "Inuyasha!"  
  
She threw sword at Inuyasha and it stabbed his leg.  
  
Inuyasha- "AHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Sesshomaru spun his sword around and looked badass. Lightning struck nearby after he used his war cry. Inuyasha screamed uncontrollably and he pulled out the sword. He spun it around in circles and posed. Before lightning struck, he looked at his pants. There were slash marks in them from where he was posing with the sword. They got into a sword fight and Kagome watched. They connected swords and spun them around. Sesshomaru's sword spun into the air and Inuyasha's went in Kagome's direction. It hit a tree and missed her face by a foot. She lifted her little purse in the air and was scared.  
  
Kagome- "AIYEEE!"  
  
Inuyasha- "NO!"  
  
Sesshomaru got into crane style and the phone next to them rang. Inuyasha picked it up and a whip sound was made.  
  
Inuyasha- "Hello? Can you call back? Now is not a good time. Hold on- I have a call waiting!"  
  
He held out the phone and hit the flash button. Whip sounds were made every time he moved the phone.  
  
Inuyasha- "Truly sorry, can I call you back? I am on the other line."  
  
He switched over to the other line.  
  
Inuyasha- "Yes, I will practice with the band sometime. Tomorrow at 3! I have an episode to finish!"  
  
He hung up the phone and got into a crane style. They both screamed and Inuyasha kicked Sesshomaru in the nuts. Sesshomaru squeaked and two golden bells rolled out of his pants. The sword spun in the air and it went down. Sesshomaru grabbed the blade and Inuyasha did the same. They worked their way up the blade and Inuyasha put to fingers on the top. Sesshomaru stuck his thumb in between them and laughed. Inuyasha put his hand on top of the sword and got a hold of it. He held it up to Sesshomaru's throat and won. Sesshomaru laughed and aimed the sword away from his neck.  
  
Sesshomaru- "HAHAHA! Inuyasha, you are worthy to call your self a demon. We may end conflict for the rest of the season."  
  
They put their arms around each other and laughed.  
  
Inuyasha- "ïï¯ï¤ïªï²ï®âï§ï¨ï¤ï¦ïªï§ï«ï¬ïªï¦ï¨ï¡ï³ï¤ï«ïªï¦ï²âï¶ï®ï¤ï¨ï¤âï¦ï¨ï§ï¢ï¦ï´ï²ï§ï³ï¤ïªï¡ï«ï¡ï©ï¹âï²ï¨ï§ï®ï ï¨Subtitled- Sweet!)"  
The End  
  
Anyway... I have ripped off too much and I have to make a few points. Shippo really does state the obvious on the show. Another thing, why do they always cry about not being able to beat Naraku? If he got all the fragments and killed them, wouldn't the entire future era be a demon planet. I mean think! Another thing, why are Kagome and Sango always so pissed? If you ever notice, they always say there is a problem with Miroku and Inuyasha. Well Miroku is a pervert... I'll say that. When ever Inuyasha walks in on Kagome, he was trying to help. When Miroku was spying on Kagome in his debut, she screamed for help. Inuyasha went to help and she whacked him! Why is that all Japanese act like Americans? Second, why is Sango always pissed off when Miroku tries to hit on some other chick? She gets jealous, but she hates him. Personally, they all have problems of their own and they blame it on Inuyasha and Miroku. What about Shippo, he's a bigger pervert than all of them. He can go anywhere! GOOD GOD! Ok I'm done.  
  
The opening conversation in English  
  
Kagome- "What do you mean? We don't even speak English. We were speaking Japanese because were from Japan. What the fuck is going on?"  
  
Sango- "I never got that part yet... Who wants to put the weapons down and have an Orgy?"  
  
Miroku- "ME!!!!!!!" 


End file.
